Supporting your child during this time isn’t easy, but you are not alone.
Finding out that your child has been abused is one of the most emotional and overwhelming experiences a caregiver can face. Please know you are not alone; many caregivers experience the same feelings. We’re here to support you and guide you through the process so that you know how to support your child.
Who Can Receive Services
A child can receive a forensic interview or forensic medical examination at the CARE Center through 1 of 4 ways:
- Via an open CPS investigation
- Via an open investigation by Law Enforcement
- Via a court order
- Via the District Attorney’s Office
If you have questions or concerns about your child or their behaviors, but there is no open investigation into child abuse, please contact us to discuss your options.
What Do You Tell Others?
Deciding what to share and with whom can be a challenge. Both you and your child may feel vulnerable, embarrassed, or unsure about how much to disclose.
- Whom to tell: If there is no public awareness of the situation, you have control over who you confide in. Let your child be part of this decision whenever possible, especially regarding who you tell and what you tell.
- Consider reactions: Be mindful of how certain people in your life may react. If you believe someone will respond negatively, waiting until sharing becomes necessary may be best.
- Maintaining privacy: While it’s vital to respect your child’s privacy, avoiding discussions of abuse altogether can create a sense of shame. Find a balance by sharing selectively and thoughtfully. However, be careful not to make it a “dirty” secret, as this will cause your child additional shame and confusion.
- Boundary setting: If someone presses you for details you’re not ready to share, you can thank them for their concern but explain that it’s a private matter. Professional therapists can be an excellent outlet for discussing what has happened without breaching confidentiality.
- Prepare your child: Depending on your child’s age, you may help him/her decide who in their circle is appropriate for them to discuss the abuse. For example, a therapist or a trusted teacher may be appropriate, while telling everyone at school is not. Help your child prepare for the questions, comments, and reactions from others.
Finally, and very importantly, if there are other children and families involved in this investigation, do not discuss the specifics of what happened to your child with them.
And remember, we’re here to help.
How Abuse May Impact Your Child
Every child responds to trauma differently. Many children will show the effects of abuse through their behavior. Please remember to be patient and have realistic expectations of your child.
Here are some common responses you might see:
Further disclosures: If your initial reaction to their disclosure is calm and supportive, children may share additional details or incidents of abuse over time.
Increased emotional needs: Your child may have separation anxiety, become more clingy to their caregivers, or develop new fears, such as a fear of the dark or being left alone.
Increased emotional vulnerability: Your child may have outbursts of anger or tears, act aggressively, or struggle to calm themselves. They may also show signs of depression.
Difficulties in social situations: Withdrawal from friends, avoiding school, nervousness in large groups, and fear of strangers are all potential responses to trauma.
Regression of behavior: It’s not uncommon for children to regress to younger behaviors, like bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, or speech difficulties.
Difficulties with sleep: Night terrors or nightmares, difficulty falling or staying asleep, or fear of sleeping alone can also happen after abuse.
`
How to Support Your Child
Children often feel a range of emotions following their disclosure and need your reassurance and understanding. Validate their feelings by reminding them that what happened was not their fault and that you are proud of them for speaking up. Let them know it is okay to cry, be upset, nervous, or angry. Give them the time and space to process their emotions and let them talk when they’re ready.
Supportive Phrases to Say
- “I believe you.”
- “It’s not your fault.”
- “You did nothing wrong.”
- “I am so proud of you for telling me. That was very brave.”
- “I am so sorry this happened to you.”
- “I am upset, but NOT at you.”
Moving From Trauma to Healing
Every child experiences trauma differently. Not all children will need professional support, but many factors influence how they cope, including:
- The nature and severity of the abuse
- The age of the child when the abuse occurred
- How long the abuse lasted
- The reaction of caregivers to the disclosure
- Resources available to support the child and family
- The child’s own internal resources and mental health
Helpful Actions to Take
- Return to your regular schedule.
- Follow through with counseling.
- Don’t question your child about the abuse, but listen if they want to talk about it.
- Give simple and realistic answers to questions
- Don’t make promises you cannot keep
- Help your child identify their feeling
- Discuss safe people your child can talk to about the abuse and their feelings.
- Set gentle but firm limits for “acting out” behavior.
As a caregiver, you play a vital role in helping your child heal by responding with patience, tolerance, and compassion. Be kind to yourself and each other as you navigate this difficult time.